New song that I'm addicted to!POSTED BY Sueanne N. ON Sunday, September 9, 2012 @ 3:48 PM
When was the last time you felt terrified to lose someone?
When was the last time someone felt that important to you?
When was the last time you had a love so innocent, so unbreakable?
When was the last time you broke down & felt your whole world tremble?
I've changed. That's what I've been told by many. I wasn't that girl they use to know. I'm insecure, I can't trust easily anymore & I'm always putting on a strong front. I no longer can love someone as innocently as I use to.
2 years ago, I open my heart to someone & he filled my head with all these dreams I thought only existed in fairytales. He let me in, took my heart & then he left. Just like that, my heart was crushed. I fought hard & long, I did whatever I could think of just to salvage a relationship that so many told me to let go. Everyone could see how unhappy I was, but because of the empty promises he made, I kept believing that love would conquer all, that we would make it through if we just believe it. I gave it my all, my everything. All that sacrifices just because I thought that I should, because I love him. I let him in & crush me completely. All those nights of tears & I told myself I gotta be strong & let go, but I didn't. I let him play me over & over again. It was like a beautiful nightmare...
I thought we had it all, I thought it would last forever. That was what he told me & I foolishly believe. Where did I go wrong, what did I do? I constantly thought, constantly blame myself. I did my best for him but he took it for granted. I let him put my emotions on a roller coaster ride. I should have left him that August in 2010 but I didn't. I continue & push through. The pain, the hurt, the wounds I suffer, I told myself it was worth it. I told myself, this is what love felt. I watch as my relationship went up in flames, from a promising happy ever after to a disastrous mess. Why? What happen? I should have ended it before it breaks apart. I know if I'd done that, I would have been much happier. WE would have been much happier off. We wouldn't be blaming, we wouldn't be hating & I wouldn't be suffering. This madness, it's driving me up a wall. I tear every now & then but will he ever understand why? Was I really that bad? I should have just held on to the good times. The first 8 months before all this argument, unhappiness, all the crazy shit, all the blaming.
I lost my pride there & then. He took it, threw it on the floor & trampled all over it. & I let him. I naively let him, thinking it was my fault. & now, at the end of the road, I'm still the one hurting. I'm still the one holding on. For what? For nothing...
If I would have to love like that all over again, I would never wanna meet you at all.POSTED BY Sueanne N. @ 6:19 AM
